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Weekend Challenge: Funny Christmas Quotes

Alright my dears, I am in charge of the Weekend Challenge for this first gorgeous weekend in December and I decided we needed some funny Christmas quotes--WOO HOO!!

Choose a number between 1 and 26 and I will give an amusing quote to keep you in the holiday mood and stop you from stressing too much about holiday gifts, decorating, party planning and/or baking.  I also know that many people have a hard time emotionally over the holidays and I hope this nuttiness keeps your spirits bright :):)

I also hope this Yuletide craziness inspires you, so please be as creative as you can--drabbles/fics can be as long as you want but at least 200 words and you can do any sort of art work the spirit moves you    Just post your work by Thursday night at 11:59pm EST, and you'll be golden.  Lastly, HAVE FUN!!!

I am not creative in any way with artwork, so if you want an icon, I will have to ask for help, but I can give you a drabble or add to my WIP.

Comments

( 23 comments — Leave a comment )
asphaltcowgrrl
Nov. 30th, 2018 05:02 pm (UTC)
I need a laugh and a distraction today so hit me with number 9 please.
kitmerlot1213
Nov. 30th, 2018 06:17 pm (UTC)
I hope this distracts and makes you laugh :

9. “I hate the radio this time of year because they play “All I Want For Christmas Is You” like, every other song. And that’s just not enough.”
erinm_4600
Nov. 30th, 2018 05:13 pm (UTC)
12 please!
kitmerlot1213
Nov. 30th, 2018 06:18 pm (UTC)
Here you are:

12. “Let me see if I’ve got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn’t laundering illegal drug money?”
agdhani
Nov. 30th, 2018 05:20 pm (UTC)
15...and hopefully I can combine some prompts I have stored up :)
kitmerlot1213
Nov. 30th, 2018 06:19 pm (UTC)
I hope this inspires you, it's one of my favorites :):)

15. “I bought my brother some gift wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
agdhani
Dec. 16th, 2018 09:18 pm (UTC)
Okay...late but at least its something.
A RP bit with Cassian Andor and an original character of my own:

“Why would anyone do such a thing?”

Cassian Andor had been in Tigh Ard long enough to have learned that many of his brothers and sisters had a peculiarly warped sense of humor. He was still adjusting to Earth customs, and though he understood pranking, he did not understand the point of the gift Jagger was wrapping for his brother Holden.

“It’s just something we do,” Jag laughed. “It’s been a running thing since we were little boys.”

“Giving empty gifts?” Cassian cocked his head.

“Sometimes empty,” he admitted. “We’ve done dirty socks…old cheese…stale bread…holey underwear…mismatched shoes…empty gift cards or empty booze bottles…there’s always something. There’ll be one for me too…you’ll see. Trick is to outdo the other with the strangest, most useless, most disgusting things. He gave me a dud grenade one year…opening it pulled the pin…thought we were all dead that time.” Jagger laughed at the memory and continued wrapping the long tube of wrapping paper inside one layer of different paper after another. He used enough tape that Holden was going to have to work for his ultimate payout.

That had been in the old days, before Gamma had come to Tigh Ard. The team had been in a particularly tough spot in the field, and they thought they would never make it out alive. The notion of blowing themselves up, taking the enemy with them, wasn’t the worst idea any of them had considered, and so the fake grenade had served to remind them that they weren’t ready to give up and die just yet. They had lived, made it out with only minor injuries, and gone on to fight another day.

Soldiers’ humor. That was something Cassian understood.

The gift giving ritual itself, not so much. The need for something like Christmas, the exchange of so many gifts, trying to think of just the right thing…how could anyone hope to keep up…particularly in a family so extensive as Tigh Ard’s.

Thankfully they had each agreed to draw a name so that everyone only had to provide a gift to one other. Some might exchange private gifts…with the Laird or Lady, with a special friend or loved one, and the triplets would take in a grand haul no doubt. Cassian had ended up Charles Vane’s name…perhaps through coincidence or perhaps not…but he had no idea what sort of gift the pirate would appreciate.

No one did.

Something like this, however, did not seem advisable. The pirate’s sense of humor was still a mystery to many.

“Well, I wish you luck in the outdoing,” he said with a shake of his head as Jagger wound silver duct tape decorated with green and red holly sprigs entirely around the long package. The ultimate sealant.

Holden was going to spend hours unpeeling all of that…or else resort to a knife that might potentially damage whatever was housed within.

For that layer of wrapping alone, Cassian had a feeling Jagger would win the contest. It would certainly be the most annoying.
kitmerlot1213
Dec. 16th, 2018 11:57 pm (UTC)
Fabulous work on this :):)
agdhani
Dec. 17th, 2018 12:04 am (UTC)
Thanks :)
I've been on a bit of a roll today, filling in bits and pieces of our RP world with 1Mil prompts...still one more to go I think before I call it a day.
crookedspoon
Nov. 30th, 2018 05:45 pm (UTC)
22 please!
kitmerlot1213
Nov. 30th, 2018 06:20 pm (UTC)
This quote is totally me :):)

22. “If you can’t wrap Christmas presents well, at least make it look like they put up a good fight.”

fairyniamh
Nov. 30th, 2018 07:25 pm (UTC)
7 Please
kitmerlot1213
Nov. 30th, 2018 07:58 pm (UTC)
Words to live by :):)

7. “Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.”
helsinkibaby
Nov. 30th, 2018 07:38 pm (UTC)
21 please?
kitmerlot1213
Nov. 30th, 2018 07:59 pm (UTC)
This is rather amusing:

21. “Ever wonder what people got Jesus for Christmas? It’s like, “Oh great, socks. You know I’m dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They’ll go great with my sandals. What am I, German?”
tellshannon815
Nov. 30th, 2018 10:02 pm (UTC)
I need distraction from work shit. (Even if I am having fun corrupting our apprentice with fandom theories). 26 please?
kitmerlot1213
Nov. 30th, 2018 11:29 pm (UTC)
I hope this is a suitable distraction :):)

26. "Santa saw your Instagram pictures. You're getting clothes and a bible for Christmas."
cmk418
Dec. 1st, 2018 12:26 am (UTC)
18, please.
kitmerlot1213
Dec. 1st, 2018 01:41 am (UTC)
Here you are :):)

18. “Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space.”
cmk418
Dec. 5th, 2018 03:51 am (UTC)
The Departed - 529 words - The Special Circle
This quote had Dignam written all over it.

Here at my LJ - due to some language that fits in well with the movie, but might not be great to put out in the open
kitmerlot1213
Dec. 5th, 2018 02:26 pm (UTC)
Re: The Departed - 529 words - The Special Circle
Awesome job! What would you like as a reward?
sagaluthien
Dec. 1st, 2018 08:03 pm (UTC)
i'll would like number 1

Edited at 2018-12-01 08:03 pm (UTC)
kitmerlot1213
Dec. 1st, 2018 09:00 pm (UTC)
This is a short one :):)

1. Merry Christmas, Nearly Everybody!'
( 23 comments — Leave a comment )

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