I don't think all the resolutions were taken so here they are in one list. Feel free to use any of them if you'd like!
1. I won’t serve iguana and claim it’s chicken.
2. I won’t bring home every stray dog and cat I see on the street, especially those with collars and tags.
3. I won’t pretend I don’t know why the one pound bag of M&Ms is empty when I get home from the grocery store.
4. When I order at Starbuck’s, I won’t pretend my name is one which they have no hope of pronouncing or spelling.
5. I will not correct every grammar error I see on social media; only the most egregious of errors.
6. I won’t drink directly from the carton and then return it to the refrigerator.
7. I won’t give out my Netflix password then wonder why there is porn in the queue.
8. I won’t read every review for movies already released then complain about spoilers.
9. I won’t take the closest parking space possible to the gym, especially if it means I have to park in the fire lane.
10. When I’m in McDonald’s drive-through, I won’t tell them the order is to go.
11. I won’t quote my favorite lines from my favorite movies then act like the person to whom I am talking is in the wrong for not immediately understanding what I am saying.
12. I won’t order a Domino’s cheese pizza with no cheese.
13. I won’t tell the server at the restaurant “no, Coke is not okay. I want Pepsi.”
14. If I get arrested, I will not exercise my right to remain silent. I will quote Star Wars and try to convince the police that I am in fact a Jedi.
15. I won’t randomly change my Facebook relationship status to “it’s complicated” just to confuse my friends.
16. I won’t buy any more shoes. Unless they are on sale. Or the color is perfect. Or I don’t already have a pair just like them.
17. I will figure out how to make just the right amount of spaghetti. I have no real need for enough noodles to feed the US Army.
18. I won’t believe every infomercial I see at 2:30 in the morning.
19. I won’t have cereal for dinner, more than twice a week.
20. I won’t wrestle bears no matter how much they taunt me.
21. I won’t finish crossword puzzles by making up words as answers.
22. I won’t plan a ski trip then cancel because there’s too much snow.
23. I will look up actual medical conditions before I call in “sick” to work.
24. When I meet people for the first time, I’ll stop saying “good to see you again. How have you been?”
25. When I’m ready to put in action my plan for world domination, I will make all air vents too small to crawl through, won’t explain my plans to my mortal enemies just as I’m ready to dispatch them, nor will I turn into a dragon just to intimidate my foes. It never turns out well for them or for me.