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So I missed posting this on the weekend, but this week is Asexual Awareness Week, which promotes understanding of asexual, aromantic and demisexual individuals. While I don't personally fall into any of those catagories, I do think awareness of the variety of human conditions is a good thing, both as people in general and as writers.

So, if anyone is interested, this thread is for discussion of asexuality and related tropes in our writing. Prompts, theories about characters, questions, whatever strikes your fancy.

Further info at http://asexualawarenessweek.com

Comments

( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
asphaltcowgrrl
Oct. 20th, 2015 06:51 pm (UTC)
I definitely think it's a good thing to promote. It's something that is often misunderstood and as a word, misused. And truly, the more we learn about those around us, the more in-tune we'll be.

I'm actually working on a story for a friend - who identifies as ace - involving a demisexual character. So, this is a timely post. :)
clarahow
Oct. 20th, 2015 07:43 pm (UTC)
All of this is seconded. One of my former girlfriends is homoromantic asexual; we discovered that together doing Tumblr research back in high school (because she thought something was wrong with her and I was convinced that there must be a word for people who don't feel sexual attraction and voila - not that it's been an easy time, but knowing there was an actual, legit, valid sexuality that she identified with was very helpful for her).

Sidebar: would you mind if I reposted this/linked back from femslashagenda? I hadn't realized the Awareness Week was this week, but since we're all about representation for all queer/lgbtq+ identities, I should at the very least make a post about it over there.
scribble_myname
Oct. 20th, 2015 07:55 pm (UTC)
Question: as I understand it, indifference to sex is the defining characteristic not actually dislike and aversion. Is that right?

I accidentally wrote a character who by the definitions I've been able to dig up is asexual. She can take it or leave it as she says but draws the line at multiple orgasms. She'll have sex but she's not attracted sexually or anything; she uses it when appropriate according to her own fairly practical criteria and doesn't bother with it at other times.

I'm 90% sure she's asexual, but I kind of wanted to verify that with someone who's actually familiar from real life asexuals not just a textbook.
guineamania
Oct. 20th, 2015 08:58 pm (UTC)
Hey,
there is a very very very wide ace spectrum so it could be indifference or if could be as far to say disgust of sex.

I am personally a heteroromatic asexual (so I like to think I know what I am talking about) and my best definition for how I feel is like you said, aversion but in the community I know many people who vary across this spectrum.

I believe your character would be defined as ace, if she doesn't particularly care about sex or desire for it then that is still ace in my book.
scribble_myname
Oct. 20th, 2015 09:39 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the feedback. I've been a little on the fence with her because she does have a relationship and it does sometimes involve sex, for him though, not for her.
guineamania
Oct. 20th, 2015 10:09 pm (UTC)
It's fine :)
That is perfectly normal with being ace. I know one of my friends who describes sex in her relationship as making him happy. He knows that she doesn't desire sex but he does; for them it was about finding a balance probably quite like the one you describe!
starry_wolf
Oct. 22nd, 2015 12:51 am (UTC)
Hi! As guineamania has mentioned, the most useful definition for asexuality is whether or not the person feels sexual attraction towards others (I understand it to be "a desire to have sex with a specific person", or colloquially "want to climb him/her like a tree", and it took me a decade to even begin to figure out what that even means). The spectrum deals with situations where one might feel this desire occasionally, not at all, or only towards (a) specific person(s).

An asexual can absolutely have sex (e.g. because they want to make their partner feel pleasure, because they want a child, etc.) and they can absolutely gain sexual pleasure from it (since this is largely a physical response).

On the flip-side, there are also sex-repulsed individuals, who do not even have to be asexual. Whether or not someone wants to have orgasms has nothing to do with sexual orientation (:

Hope this helps!
scribble_myname
Oct. 23rd, 2015 02:28 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Yes, helpful.
guineamania
Oct. 20th, 2015 09:03 pm (UTC)
So this is very close to my heart and I thank you for posting this. It was a very hard time for me before I because aware of Asexuality as a concept.

I am a heteroromatic asexual and my best definition for how I feel is aversion to sex. I would never do it, but I see why it is a thing people who want to do. How I often explain it as it is like being a vegetarian, like someone would choose not to eat meat for their own reasons I choose not to have sex.

But before I knew this was an actually thing ... I thought there was something wrong with me and believed that I wasn't as mature as my friends and there would come a time where I would suddenly be sexually attracted to people. It never came. It was tumblr actually that opened my eyes to this idea and reassured me that I wasn't broken in anyway.

Anyway yeah, this was just a long way of saying. I am asexual and if there is anyone on her that thinks they might be ace or just needs someone to ask these questions to then I am more than happy to help. Just drop me an email at g.smith7991@gmail.com.

(P.S - Just to show how underknown stuff like this is ... spellchecker corrected heteroromantic to monochromatic)
yonkyu
Oct. 21st, 2015 03:48 am (UTC)
Thank you for sharing. I have heard of asexual but I never really understood it. Aromantic is completely new to me. I consider myself bisexual, but I'm not so sure anymore. This is a great topic to discuss and I am pulled in to learn more about various sexualities that I don't know about.

Thank you. Sorry if I sound stupid, but this is all new to me. I am currently single and I have only had one boyfriend in my life and it lasted 4 months. I enjoy pleasuring myself, but that's because it's the only pleasure I do get.

Anyway, I am fascinated to learn more about this and possibly define who I really am.
starry_wolf
Oct. 22nd, 2015 12:42 am (UTC)
As a demiromantic asexual, I can say with sufficient confidence that this is right up my alley ^o^ and I'm always happy to answer any questions about the ace spectrum (which is incredibly broad and encompasses a variety of potential identities).

Would be more effusive except I'm on my phone at work, yeah...
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )

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